Are Friends Overrated?Posted: April 11, 2011
“Bros before hoes” and “chicks before dicks” are common phrases used when one friend chooses to hang out with their boyfriend/girlfriend instead of their friend(s). I want to dissect these sayings a little more to see how pertinent they really are. We grow up hanging out with friends on a daily basis and get used to having friends to call and hang out with. These friends generally feel the same way in return and are always game to spend a lot of time together. We may be friends with some of these people for 5+ years so there is a routine developed. During these years (middle school and high school) we start to mature while we become closer friends but also, we develop an interest to pursue more intimate relationships. When we find someone significant in high school and begin hanging out with them on a consistent basis we generally get one of the two phrases mentioned above thrown our way. The friend we have been hanging out with over the years has suddenly been placed in the backseat and now feels like they are being replaced. Since we spend so much hanging out with friends in high school it feels like you have to choose one or the other. This puts the person in the relationship between a rock and a hard place.
Now fast forward to college. Many people go off to school and start over. They don’t have many friends and most likely don’t have any close friends. During this time they are meeting people at a friendship level but also are meeting potential boyfriends/girlfriends. We hardly develop routines with certain friends in such a short time that require us to always be spending time with them. Also, the friends we do make are in the same classes, live in the same dorm, etc. so there is natural time built in where we still see each other on a consistent basis. We are on our own and live in close proximity to one another making it easy to get lunch or a drink together. The time spent together does not have to be entire nights like it seems to be in high school. We are also generally much busier and the expectation to hang out every night is not there. Our good friends in college may expect to see each other once on the weekend and a few times briefly throughout the week. This is by no means a big chunk of time. This leaves us with plenty of time to do our “own” thing and to hang out with someone we want to develop a serious relationship with. We don’t feel the pressure of having to choose one or the other.
In the grand scheme of things, life seems to more closely resemble our time in college. We essentially want to find someone we can spend the rest of our life with and have friends on the side. Friends are not overrated; we just don’t need them around as much.